Tag Archive for: parenting

Menjadi Seorang Ayah: Mendampingi Masa Depan Anak

Written by Citra Dwizarati, Content Writer Intern at Project Child Indonesia

Menjadi seorang ayah yang baik tidaklah mudah, hal ini menjadi tantangan bagi para ayah dalam mendidik dan mendampingi anak. Keterlibat seorang ayah dalam hubungan antara ayah dan anak akan mempengaruhi kehidupan anak.

Dalam memperingati hari ayah nasional, para ayah dapat memulai untuk mempelajari berbagai pengetahuan tentang parenting dan ikut terlibat dalam mengasuh anak

Taukah kamu, betapa pentingnya parenting pada anak?

Parenting merupakan Ilmu atau pola asuh orangtua terhadap anak-anaknya. Pentingnya menerapkan pola asuh yang baik pada anak dapat mempengaruhi tumbuh kembang anak.

Tetapi dalam menerapkan ilmu parenting sudah semestinya melibatkan kedua peran orangtua, yang mana anak membutuhkan dukungan kedua orangtua.

Terutama peran ayah juga penting dalam mendampingi anak, yang secara tidak langsung dapat mendekatkan diri pada anak.

Maka keterlibatan ayah dapat mempererat kedua hubungan antara ayah dan anak-anaknya.

Seperti yang banyak diketahui, masih terdapat kurangnya peran ayah dalam mendidik anak.

Fatherless atau tidak adanya peran ayah dalam mengasuh anak, hal ini mempengaruhi perkembangan anak 

Tapi, kini zaman telah berubah. Maka penting bagi ayah dalam mengubah cara mendidik anak.

Menurut kak Seto sebagai psikolog anak, dengan diperingatinya hari ayah nasional dapat meningkatkan kesadaran bagi ayah untuk terlibat dalam mendidik anak.

Dengan kurangnya keterlibatan ayah dalam mengasuh anak, sehingga dibentuknya hari ayah nasional untuk meningkatkan peran ayah dalam mendampingi anak-anak. Dalam memperingati hari ayah nasional, para ayah dapat memulai untuk mempelajari berbagai pengetahuan dan ikut terlibat dalam mengasuh anak

Dahulu, pengetahuan dalam mengasuh anak sangat terbatas. Sehingga keterbatasan tersebut menjadikan minimnya ketidaktahuan sang ayah dalam mendampingi anak. Seiring berjalannya waktu menjadi tantangan bagi seorang ayah dalam mengikuti perkembangan zaman dalam mendampingi anak. Sedangkan Ilmu yang kini mudah didapatkan dari buku maupun sosial media memudahkan para orangtua dalam mempelajari pola asuh yang baik pada anak.

Sehingga anak berhak hidup layak yang dipenuhi hak-nya, sehingga orangtua bekerjasama dalam merancang pola asuh yang dapat melengkapi kebutuhan anak. Maka sebagai ayah perlu mempersiapkan anak sebagai generasi maju demi masa depannya.

Bagimana Manfaat dari Parenting?

Peran ayah dalam kehidupan anak-anak sangat penting dalam mempengaruhi masa depar anak.

Dengan menerapkan parenting yang baik dapat memberikan berbagai manfaat pada anak-anak diantaranya dapat membangun rasa percaya diri anak, membentuk beberapa pola pikir anak dan meningkatkan kemampuan sosial anak.

Tidak hanya itu, banyaknya kejahatan di lingkungan sekitar menjadi tantangan bagi ayah. Terutama dalam memberikan edukasi seksual untuk mencegah pelecehan seksual, ayah juga dapat mengajarkan atau mendampingi anak untuk belajar bela diri.

Pendidikan pertama kali yang didapatkan oleh anak berasal dari rumah yang diajarkan oleh kedua orangtuanya. Tidak hanya pada ibu, keterlibat seorang ayah dalam hubungan antara ayah dan anak akan mempengaruhi kehidupan anak.

Maka dari itu, penting bagi kedua orang tua untuk bekerja sama dalam mendampingi anak. Dengan kecerdasan yang dimiliki anak atas didikan orangtuanya, yang tidak hanya bermanfaat bagi dirinya sendiri bahkan orang lain.

Ayah sebagai kepala keluarga tentu memiliki tanggung jawab yang besar dalam memprioritaskan hal yang penting bagi keluarganya. Pencapaian terbesar seorang ayah dapat melihat anaknya dapat tumbuh dengan baik. Dengan menerapkan ilmu parenting dalam kehidupan akan membantu dalam perkembangan dan tumbuh anak.

Dengan merayakan hari ayah, menjadi pengingat dan menghargai peran para ayah dalam mendidik anak-anak. Selamat Hari Ayah Nasional! father’s day!

Protect, Not Shame: Teaching Sexual Body Awareness To Children

We all know children are full of curiosity. They always want to try different food, games, clothes, and many things to satisfy their imagination. One curiosity is also about their body. We often find kids putting their hands in their mouths, running around naked, smelling their poop, touching their genitals, and asking their parents why boys and girls have different body parts. This exploration is very normal as their bodies are the most familiar thing to them. They are born with it and grow up seeing changes in themselves. 

However, parents tend to avoid talking about the sexual aspect because they deem it inappropriate for their age. How ridiculous is that? There is nothing shameful about acknowledging that their kids have sexual body parts they are curious about. Moreover, talking about sex will not ruin your child’s innocence and encourage them to have an unhealthy interest in sex. It’s just basic biological knowledge. In this day and age where everything is just one click away on the Internet, information can easily turn into misinformation. Especially concerning sex, a topic that garners much scrutiny, avoidance of the issue can be very dangerous for our kids. 

One negative impact of withdrawing necessary sexual health information from our children is sexual violence. According to Indonesia’s Ministry of Women Empowerment and Child Protection, there are over 8.730 cases of sexual abuse in minorities, and the perpetrators mostly came from their family members or close adult caregivers. That is just the official data alone, and many more unreported cases are undeniably still out there. Lack of body awareness at a young age leads children to become unaware they are being harassed and touched inappropriately by the adults around them. They’ll think being touched like that is normal and eventually won’t tell their parents about it. Adolescences may also engage in underage sexual activity with their peers without understanding the grave consequences. Because of those reasons, parents need to be as honest as possible with their kids and start introducing age-appropriate sex education and body safety skills. 

You might ask, how can we know that our children’s sexual behaviors are still considered normal? The American Academy of Paediatrics listed the following as common in children between ages 2 to 6:

  • Touching genitals in public or private
  • Looking at or touching a peer or a new sibling’s genitals
  • Showing genitals to peers
  • Standing or sitting too close to someone
  • Trying to see peers or adults naked

In contrast, uncommon behaviors include inserting objects into genitals, explicit imitation of sexual activity, and rubbing their bodies against others. If these behaviors arise, parents need to interfere directly or get professional help. But if their behaviors are still largely new, distractible, and only occasional, then they are normal. 

Here are some things parents can do to support our children’s healthy exploration:

1. Use correct terms for body parts

Often parents use slang to define sexual body parts because they think their kids are too young to understand the correct biological terms. We need to stop this practice. The word ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’ is NOT difficult to understand. If we can teach them how to use words like ‘eyes’ or ‘nose’, we can teach them those words as well. Making up names will only give them the idea there is something disgusting about those parts. In the process, explain which parts are usually exposed (arms or legs) and which parts need to be covered (genitals or butt). 

2. Teach consent

Let your children know it’s totally okay to reject an unwanted touch and that doing so is not disrespectful. If some touches make them uncomfortable, instruct your kids to say ‘No’, scream to alert other adults, or run back to you. Tell the other family members they should always respect the child’s consent and can only be in a close space with your children under your supervision. 

Additionally, as parents, we need to understand that some affection cannot be forced. Don’t let people kiss or hug your children when they don’t like it. Inappropriate touching, even in a trusted adult like their grandparents, can confuse children. Emphasize that they can make their own decisions regarding their bodies. You are there to support and protect them, and they can always go to you if something is wrong. 

3. Control media exposure

Media can portray sexuality in a wrong light. It can influence children’s perspective on what is and what is not acceptable in society from the movies or TV series they consume. Parents need to pay attention to the rating system in movies, shows, and games, and utilize the parental control available in gadgets. There are a lot of safer alternatives if you still want to teach your kids using media. For example, you can find many health videos on puberty and sexual development on Youtube presented by experts and professionals. 

4. Welcome any questions

Because this is a new topic for them, your kids will undoubtedly have many questions to ask you. Encourage them! Not only it can give them new insights, but it will also prepare you and your kids for future serious conversations, like for example, discussing sex later on. As the responsible adult figures in their lives, don’t laugh or get angry when they ask you strange things or repeat the same questions. Follow up your answers with a confirmation question to bait them if they still want to ask more. Then, don’t forget to listen to their responses and reactions to know if they understand enough. 

In short, kids shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed for their curiosity. Their sexual body parts are not something taboo. It’s just body parts! The key to a healthy exploration is to have open, honest, and non-judgmental communication. Parents need to be active role figures during this time and nurture them on the right path so they can feel protected and understood. 

References

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2019, April 1). Sexual Behaviors in Young Children: What’s Normal, What’s Not?. Healthychildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx

Gan, E. (2019, September 28). Teaching children about body safety: Call genitals by proper terms for a start, experts advise parents. Today Online. https://www.todayonline.com/singapore/teaching-children-about-body-safety-call-genitals-proper-terms-start-experts-advise

Marder, J. (2020, July 16). Keeping Kids Curious About Their Bodies Without Shame. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/16/parenting/kids-body-boundaries.html

Raising Happier and Healthier Child: What is the Best Parenting Style?

Written by: Louis Budiman, Grants Researcher Intern Project Child Indonesia

Family is a fundamental and primary agent of socialization for every human being to grow. Creating a happy, healthy, and safe family environment for children requires a proactive role by parents. To achieve this, good parenting is essential and the very basic aspect that shapes not only child behaviour, but also their likelihood to be a responsible and successful adult in the future. Every parent surely loves and cares for their own kids, but we might want to wonder and ask: what is the best parenting style?

Most researchers and experts agree that there are four major parenting styles (Morin, 2019): authoritarian (focus on obedience and punishment over discipline); authoritative (create positive relationship and enforce rules); permissive (do not enforce rules; ‘kids will be kids’); uninvolved (provide little guidance, nurturing, or attention). In fact, most parents do not necessarily fit solely into one of the categories as they often adopt combined approaches (Lloyd, 2016). This is because every parent and the child have different characteristics and family background, which makes generalization a little bit tricky. Nevertheless, most studies as well as parents agree that authoritative parenting style is the most common way to raise happier and healthier children (Morin, 2020). Such a parenting approach can also mitigate negative consequences that other parenting styles often create. Moreover, the truth is that everyone can be a more authoritative parent. 

There are some starting points for parents to be more authoritative in parenting. First, parents should be aware of their child’s emotions and feelings. This is crucial particularly when children cry or get angry. Telling them to stop crying might be the reaction by most parents, but it is also important for parents to acknowledge what their child is really going through as it might be a big deal to them. To do so, parents can start by considering their child’s feelings, validating their child’s emotions, and being a good listener. This can help parents to provide positive attention and prevent behavioural problems. 

Enforcing rules is also essential in raising children to be responsible. Permissive or uninvolved parents tend to put a little effort on this aspect, while authoritarian parents can be too intense in establishing rules and too excessive in giving warnings. Authoritative parents often set clear rules and explain the reasons behind them to their child – and this could be an ideal way to not only enforce the rules but also to help children understand and expect consequences by following or not following the rules. When children make mistakes, parents must avoid shaming, guilt-tripping, and imposing corporal/physical punishments to their child. Instead, give children consequences that teach life lessons and learning opportunities. This is necessary to maintain child’s anger management, conflict resolution skills, and sense of responsibility. In addition, incentives or rewards could also help and motivate children in getting used to good behaviours. 

Last but not least, parents shall build a positive and healthy relationship with their child. Instead of aiming to control children, it is better for parents to encourage their child’s self-discipline. Parents need to be a good role model and give enough quality time to preserve their child’s mental health. Being a more authoritative parent needs compassion, affection, and patience – and these are the keys to raise a happier and healthier child.

References

Lloyd, C. (2016). What’s your parenting style?. Retrieved from https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/types-of-parenting-styles/#:~:text=Studies%20have%20identified%20four%20major,academically%20strong%20and%20emotionally%20stable

Morin, A. (2019). 4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids. Retrieved from https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045.

Morin, A. (2020). 12 Ways to Become a More Authoritative Parent. Retrieved from https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-become-a-more-authoritative-parent-4136329.

Thompson, H. (2018). What’s the ‘best’ parenting style to raise a successful child?.  Retrieved from https://www.mother.ly/child/whats-the-best-parenting-style-to-raise-a-successful-child.

The Importance of Parenting in The Issue of Racism

Written by Nindy Silvia Anggraini, Content Writer Intern Project Child Indonesia 

At an early age, children will pay attention to physical differences, including skin color. Research shows that 5 years old children can show signs of racial bias, such as treating people from one racial group better than another. Surely parents need to be called consciously the following racism. Parents need to talk in a way that is easy-to-learn for their children to understand. Ignoring or avoiding the topic of racism is the same way as not protecting children. By choosing not to care, is the same thing as exposing them to the bias that exists wherever we live. Moreover, this happens to children who experience racism. If no one cares about this, and the child is not easy to tell, then they will be psychologically hurt.

  Through conversations between parents and their children, parents can help children to think and talk about racial inequality that is around as a step towards creating a more complete society. Children needed to be convinced that their parents would do anything to ensure their safety. However, the fact that some young people are less secure than others in the outside world because of their race provides the opportunity to teach all children about injustice. This is also an opportunity for children to develop empathy, compassion, and citizenship – learning about roles that can help their families in improving society.

But, we often find in Indonesia, in the region around us, parents protect their children excessively and make their children think and act as perpetrators of racism, whether through small things like speech to violence. A superior sense arises due to excessive protection. For example the assumption in Indonesia that those who have light and fairy skin are beautiful. This could also be caused by the historical factor of Indonesia which was a former colony of white people who were then considered as the upper class. It is difficult to leave this long-standing identity. However, precisely departing from parents, as the foundation of children’s learning, as much as possible parents educate themselves about this and instill teachings to their children that all are born the same. It must be declared that the difference that is present in their environment is diversity.

Parents must be able to talk about race and must adjust how they frame the conversation according to the child’s age. Children’s questions and problems will change as they grow. Adults do not always have the answer! And when children ask “Why?” It’s okay for parents to say, “I don’t know; let’s find out together. ” Children are observers who learn about how people work to overcome problems regarding racial problems and inequality. Use convenient ways to introduce children to various cultures and people of various races and ethnicities. Invite children to interact directly with a variety of people from various ethnic groups, races, ethnicities, cultures, and religions also foster empathic feelings and instill positive thinking. Explore food from other cultures, read stories, and watch films of different types of races and tribes. Parents also need extra attention to the content of bias racial in books and films and look for people who portray people from different racial and ethnic groups in various roles, consider stories that feature minority actors who play complex characters or main characters, which can be very helpful in dealing with racial and discriminatory stereotypes. Parents are an example for their children and an introduction of children to the world. Here it means, what they see and what you do is as important as what they hear.

References

https://www.unicef.org/parenting/talking-to-your-kids-about-racismhttps://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/Talking-to-Children-About-Racial-Bias.aspx